We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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