So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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