He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.