Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.