I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I still have a little drunk in my system
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