You're my little dorito
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
