Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
