I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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