'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
