Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
