You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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