WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
