i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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