One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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