Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
