$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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