We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think people are normalizing furries
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
