walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
