you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
