therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
