the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
