I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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