your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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