Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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