i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
