idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
