We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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