at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
