He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
