idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
