I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize