i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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