I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
