White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
