I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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