Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize