Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
