i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
