Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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