You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
