I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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