Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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