You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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