Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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