So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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