I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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