So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
