First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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