just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
