I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
