I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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