It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
