id be glad to
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
