epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
