If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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