can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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