dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
All I want is dick and wine.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
