dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Don't make out with my wife yet
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
