ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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