OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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