based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
