We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
