I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
