dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
