Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
