I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That accounts for only three of the penises
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hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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