the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
