I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
