She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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