dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
