dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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