Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize