Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
