Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
