girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
