he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
