Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize