my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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