She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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