Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
