I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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