i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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