and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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