if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
