just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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