Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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