therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
