hotel room ftw
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
