dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
