his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
