and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
